I Don’t Get Home

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Another ambivalent post about a Sony product.

Home (or ‘Second Home’ as it perhaps should be called) is an interesting concept and, as a game in its own right, would probably end up being similar to Animal Crossing. What I don’t get is all the comment going on about how it’s a killer app, combining the best of Xbox Live and the Wii/Mii service.

What I understand is that it’s something akin to Second Life, in which you create your likeness and have your little home, which you can decorate and play around in as you see fit. You get trophies from games that you can place in your trophy cabinet and you can invite people into your apartment to look at your stuff. Other than that, I don’t think I’d be over-simplifying things to say that it’s a GUI for the existing online service.

That’s my problem. For all the flash it’s still an online system that’s missing the fundamental features of Xbox Live. No unified friends list, no cross-title messaging or invites, etc. It unifies the system in that you can meet up with friends in Home and head over to the Motorstorm track or whatever, but that sounds like a pain in the arse next to just starting up a game and inviting your friends from a menu. When I want to start up Word, there’s a reason why I simply click it in the dock rather than come out of my virtual house and run to the Office (see what I did there?) down the virtual street.

In that sense it seems like a smokescreen for the holes in the online infrastructure. It pisses all over the Wii’s system – such as it is – and pretty much already does what we expect the eventual Animal Crossing Wii to do (minus fucking friend codes) and more, but we have a higher benchmark than that. This seems like more of an anti-Nintendo measure for Sony than anything to do with Microsoft, which I suppose might make more sense at the moment given relative sales.

LittleBigPlanet, on the other hand, looks beautiful. That was a decent announcement.

I’m Seeing Kevin Smith!

Kevin Smith is going to be appearing next month for one of his legendary Q&A sessions at the Prince Charles Cinema (complete with Tarantino-themed bar, which defies awesomeness) in London, and I’ve got tickets! Hooray!

I’ve missed out on the chance to see him speak a handful of times now but have an unhealthy enthusiasm for his ‘Evening With…’ DVDs, and although this one won’t be recorded it’s all worth it to hear some more material. Especially if said material ends up being a tirade against Jonathan Ross, ? la his bash of the 3AM Girls on the last DVD. I’d like to have a bit of a rant about Ross in front of an audience myself, but that’s another story.

Suffice to say I’ll post a report (hopefully some photos as well) on the day after. I can’t wait!

Little Britain: The Video Game

Little Britain: The Video Game

The bad guys in films are always the most fun, and it’s unfortunate that the same can’t be said for bad games. When bad games do get fun, however, is when you get to write about how bad they are.

In a fit of whimsy, partially inspired by the Eurogamer review, I downloaded this game. It’s not often that I’ll do this, but this game deserves it. It shouldn’t be purchased – EVER – and yet it’s a complete trainwreck of a game that should be seen by anyone involved in games. For them, it’s the paradigm of how a game shouldn’t be, and for anyone involved in this game it’s incriminating evidence that someone needs to hold as evidence for their future trials for crimes against gaming. And I only played it to prove these facts, obviously. If pressed I’ll claim that I was drunk.

Now I’m not a fan of Little Britain. I get called all the usual names when I tell people this, but I guarantee that when you go back to it in a few years, you’ll come to the realisation that it’s the same joke every single time. Lou turns his back, Andy runs around a bit, says “I want that one” and/or “I don’t like it” (a good summation of this game), cue canned laughter. How utterly hilarious!

Catchphrase comedy is shit, basically. And this game plays those catchphrases over…and over…and over…and over…again. Hardly the most endearing experience.

Even without my prejudices, though, this is a travesty. It’s actually pushing the limits of what I can justify as “amusingly bad”; one of those games that you stick on just to have a laugh at how bad it is. Everyone who’s ever fired up an Atari 2600 emulator (or owned the game, God forbid) has made a beeline for E.T., only to find out that it’s not the so-bad-it’s-good riot you expected: it’s just rubbish. This is the same kind of thing.

Continue reading Little Britain: The Video Game

Sony vs. Kotaku

News about games journalism! Hooray!

The whole thing seems to be over now, but last night gaming blog Kotaku got into trouble with Sony for posting a rumour about what Sony was set to unveil at next week’s GDC. Sony told them not to, they did anyway, and Sony blacklisted them from all their mailing lists and future press events.

You probably won’t be surprised to hear that I was entirely on Kotaku’s side on this issue. As is often the case lately, I don’t know why Sony acted the way that they did. All throwing the toys out of the pram and trying to blackmail Kotaku did was give credibility to the story, whereas the usual “we do not comment on rumours or speculation” would have at least kept people guessing until next week. The way Sony acted the only possible outcome was for Kotaku to come out smelling of roses, simply because when it’s announced everyone sees that they got the scoop and didn’t give in when the big boys tried to bully them.

Of course, the majority of people supported Kotaku’s stand, but what surprised me when trawling forums was that a number of people were congratulating Sony on not putting up with such insolence, even going as far as to criticise Kotaku’s journalism, such as in this quote from IGN’s PS3 forum:

“Sounds like Kotaku got what they deserve. […] Seriously. Did these guys take any journalism courses at all?”

That sums up what far too many journalists reporting on this industry seem to think: that “journalism” means “typing up press releases” and taking what they’re given, which is often the complete opposite of what journalism should be. I’m not going to make myself look stupid by invoking some of the great investigative journalists because I have no illusions of reporting on this industry being comparable to anything what has been brought to light by political journalists in the past, but being cowed by any of the big industry figures is not journalism.

Bravo Kotaku. Now I hope you walk into that media event next week with a massive, proud grin on your face. You won that round.

Orb Huntin’

Free Runner

By now I’ve put countless hours into Crackdown and have been very nearly driven utterly mad by the search for agility orbs. I managed to find 499 of the 500 with very little problem, and then spent literally hours every day combing the city for that last one, the Moby-Dick to my Ahab, which continued to elude me.

But then, when all hope had faded, I saw a green glow in the distance. That turned out to be a neon sign. This happened many, many times. At this point I was ready to snap the disc in half and use it to make a shiny hat while I dribble down myself.

Altogether, I reckon I’ve put in at least eight hours since “finishing” the game, spent searching for the last couple of agility orbs and grabbing any hidden ones that I found along the way. I had very little problem up until the last one, with even the 499th not posing too much of a problem. The last one, though? Ugh…

Until now!

Sod’s law prevails, and it turned out to be on a bowling alley sign around the corner from the starting point on La Mugre. You could literally hit it with a grenade from the bit where you emerge from the agency tunnel into a firefight between the police and Los Muertos. Now I can sleep without dreaming about the fucking things which, sadly, is not a joke. Here ends what is both the most satisfying and most excruciating achievement ever, uh, achieved.

My 500th agility orb, as George (Bean05) looks on

Best. Game. Ever.

Anyone in the UK remember what they were doing ten years ago today?