Tag Archives: Humour

Consolevania’s Halo Parody

I’m going to assume that you’ve seen the new Halo 3 TV ad, which may or may not spoil the whole thing for everyone (Bungie has assured everyone that it doesn’t), and if you haven’t watched it you should. I’ll wait here until you’re finished.

When that’s done you need to watch this absolutely sublime parody, created by the Consolevania team:

Superb, and oh so true.

Ten Things I Learnt from Kevin Smith

Ever since I saw An Evening With Kevin Smith it’s been my mission to see one of his legendary Q&As, but his trips to the UK don’t happen too often. On every previous occasion I didn’t find out in time, so this one must have been kismet as I fired up my RSS reader for the first time in ages, just in time to be informed that it was happening.

So that was where I was last night, and I ended up learning some interesting stuff from the great raconteur.

  1. If Kevin Smith had to pick a man to have sex with, it’d be his friend Bryan Johnson.
  2. Kevin Smith’s next comedy, which he has just about finished writing but won’t be made until after his planned horror movie (inspired by Race with the Devil), will apparently have the most self-explanatory title ever, on the same level as Snakes on a Plane. Unsurprisingly, he wouldn’t tell us the title.
  3. Kevin Smith is currently a fan of (NSFW!) SexyLabia.com. I dread to think how much comment spam posting that link will bring in.
  4. Kevin recently bought a miniature dachshund because he and his daughter thought they were funny. Despite the age difference (eight years next to less than a year, or 56 and 6 using that seven-dog-years-to-one-human-year thing), his labrador Mulder may have gotten the weiner dog pregnant.
  5. Jeremy London is the only actor that Kevin regrets casting. Despite the fact that Jason Lee was far better, Jeremy gave him notes on how to improve his performance.
  6. Kevin finds the idea of black pudding abhorrent. As do I, to be fair. He also finds British cuisine’s obsession with pigs weird.
  7. Harvey Weinstein wanted them to show Clerks 2’s pussy troll on screen. Kevin and Scott Mosier didn’t want to, so set out to make it unusable by either making the depiction far too offensive (getting John Kricfalusi to animate something obscene that wouldn’t make it past the MPAA) or too lame (Jason Mewes dressed up as a troll doll inside a giant wooden pussy). Despite Mewes’ enthusiasm – he’d get to keep the wooden pussy, you see – the idea thankfully passed.
  8. Kevin ended up rewriting his whole scene in Die Hard 4.0, giving himself a huge speech. The studio was unsure about it because it turned a humourous scene into one with a ton of exposition, but Bruce Willis had Kevin’s back (“let me ask you this: who’s your second choice to play John McClane?”).
  9. Kevin Smith can use the word ‘tchotchke’ in a sentence. I still struggle to pronounce it.
  10. Lucas and Steven Spielberg are huge nerds: they like to compare websites and look at pictures of women in lingerie together. And Lucas liked the Death Star contractors idea in Clerks.

My photos are up on Flickr here.

And, one thing I learnt in London itself: some people shouldn’t be allowed to drive. This is aimed at the cunt that almost took us all out on the zebra crossing in Richmond.

I’m Seeing Kevin Smith!

Kevin Smith is going to be appearing next month for one of his legendary Q&A sessions at the Prince Charles Cinema (complete with Tarantino-themed bar, which defies awesomeness) in London, and I’ve got tickets! Hooray!

I’ve missed out on the chance to see him speak a handful of times now but have an unhealthy enthusiasm for his ‘Evening With…’ DVDs, and although this one won’t be recorded it’s all worth it to hear some more material. Especially if said material ends up being a tirade against Jonathan Ross, ? la his bash of the 3AM Girls on the last DVD. I’d like to have a bit of a rant about Ross in front of an audience myself, but that’s another story.

Suffice to say I’ll post a report (hopefully some photos as well) on the day after. I can’t wait!

Little Britain: The Video Game

Little Britain: The Video Game

The bad guys in films are always the most fun, and it’s unfortunate that the same can’t be said for bad games. When bad games do get fun, however, is when you get to write about how bad they are.

In a fit of whimsy, partially inspired by the Eurogamer review, I downloaded this game. It’s not often that I’ll do this, but this game deserves it. It shouldn’t be purchased – EVER – and yet it’s a complete trainwreck of a game that should be seen by anyone involved in games. For them, it’s the paradigm of how a game shouldn’t be, and for anyone involved in this game it’s incriminating evidence that someone needs to hold as evidence for their future trials for crimes against gaming. And I only played it to prove these facts, obviously. If pressed I’ll claim that I was drunk.

Now I’m not a fan of Little Britain. I get called all the usual names when I tell people this, but I guarantee that when you go back to it in a few years, you’ll come to the realisation that it’s the same joke every single time. Lou turns his back, Andy runs around a bit, says “I want that one” and/or “I don’t like it” (a good summation of this game), cue canned laughter. How utterly hilarious!

Catchphrase comedy is shit, basically. And this game plays those catchphrases over…and over…and over…and over…again. Hardly the most endearing experience.

Even without my prejudices, though, this is a travesty. It’s actually pushing the limits of what I can justify as “amusingly bad”; one of those games that you stick on just to have a laugh at how bad it is. Everyone who’s ever fired up an Atari 2600 emulator (or owned the game, God forbid) has made a beeline for E.T., only to find out that it’s not the so-bad-it’s-good riot you expected: it’s just rubbish. This is the same kind of thing.

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